Meeting my daughter becomes more tangible with each passing day, with each hefty shove she gives me, almost as a reminder that momma, pretty soon I can be in your arms..
And yesterday afternoon, while I was sitting at the window with my firstborn awaiting the arrival of a very special package for baby sister, the fed ex guy showed up in his "BIG white truck" to deliver..
|showing the man what door to enter|
And now, the stress of wondering if we'll be ready for an early or unexpected arrival of our daughter, is no longer a stressor. We are ready baby! We are ready with baby sister's outfit, and bow, and all her homeade babys blankets from the many women whom she will grow up knowing love her very much.
We are ready in the phyiscal sence with a tangible car seat for her maiden voage home, with her bassinet where she will sleep next to her momma the night and many after she is greeted at her new home.
We are ready, I mean I AM ready in the metaphysical sense, not really minding this huge ball that sits in front of me, actaully quite loving it, I have gotten use to having her so close and so near to me, but the idea that my daughter is inches away in the flesh waiting to meet her mommy is so real now, now that we only have three weeks until we plan to meet her.
The idea that I will be her life source for weeks and weeks, that when we look each other in the eyes we will form a lifelong bond, with a love so strong, you really only understand it if you have felt the kicks, and put in the long nine months until finally.. meeting your child. Loving them so fiercely, and strangely it grows every day, the love I mean..
|discovering ants.. boys! :)|
Last night he sat snug between his mommy and daddy, with his sick dog at his feet, and read book after book.. When one was done he would exclaim he was getting another one, and instruct both of us not to move.. and we didnt, we waited, and we read. and we loved it.
When Austin would run off, I would just sit and be so thankful. we are all together. we are so lucky. we are so loved.
I looked at Keith, this could be one of the last nights for Austin as an only child
and Keith would say something like, I know, or he's gonna be such a great big brother.. or do you wanna watch survivor now? okay, Im joking about the last one..
|Austins first day of fishing this year..|
It's true, and it becomes more clear as I grow, that we will never stop learning or growing, in our parenting, in our marriages, in our friendships, we learn to listen more, to give more, to sacrifice more, to be more patient and kind. a little less selfish, a little more tender and understanding..
|a boy and his daddy - one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen|
And with the good comes the bad, one of the hard truths of the universe and life we cant shield from our children forever. That bad things happen to good people, and sometimes it's not fair.. But we learn and grow, and get stronger from it.
There is no rhyme or reason to luck or fortune, it comes randomly and without notice, much like Abby's recent diagnosis of lyme disease and advanced heartworms. She started showing signs of something serious, we were sure of that, but not sure what it was.
After three long days, we found her diagnosis, talked treatment that may or may not heal or kill her, and also the possibility that her body may be sicker than we first had thought, and after Friday, and more blood work we will find if she is in any condition for the risky heart treatment plan she is scheduled for next week.
I mean, this is hard, dogs and pets become a major part of familes, seeing them sick, hurts our hearts like seeing a human member of our family sick. Thinking about losing them, which on normal days, you dont think about, you just live life and be happy, is so painful that you could cry for hours. Seeing them in pain is no better..
Austin is only three and a half, so his capabilities of fully understanding the situation are very limited and very hard to explain. To see his eyes when she is sick, sickens me. It hurts. and we only hope for the best for Abby - we love her, and cannot imagine life without the tennis balls, and doggie biscuits..
only time will tell.