Monday, January 31, 2011


oh I feel so so so sappy!!

I dont know if its this month, the month of love, or if its my baby growing up, or my marraige going so great!!
But I have this urge to sing love songs all day, write poems, scream from the mountain tops how deeply I love these people..

I know, sappy people suck! And I always got annoyed when all people talked about was love, and happiness and all that junk...


How can you not get sappy.. look at this face..

my favorite picture

He is growing up so fast, and seeing him sleep in a big boy bed, and pee on a big boy potty, really gets me sentimental...
So much so I listen to Brian Adams and everything..

But its so true..The love a parent has for their child is so deep, and so strong, you really do feel like dancing..
and we do! ALLLL the time..

Then.. he takes a sharpie and marks my floor. It's reality..
 And the naughty, bad, and hard things evenly weigh the good, great, and GREATEST things. like Birthday parties, and Jokers, and sleepovers in the livingroom in our little sleeping bags..

I guess, life is all about finding a good balance, between the stuff that makes you wanna cry and the stuff that makes you so happy..

Its hard work, and you look at others and think,  "wow they really got their stuff together"
Everyone has an area they are lacking, and everyone trys their best, to be the best mother wife and workers..
Its tough work, balancing it out. But at the same time, its nessecary to have a rounded life.

I want to work so badly, I am so excited to go and start..
But on the opposite side, a part of me feels guilty for missing 8 hours of my childs day. Where he pees, and learns, and says new things.
I am at peace with all of it, and ready to go! But when he cries at the door as I leave for work, I always think
well maybe I should say a littlllle bit longer

But I cant, I have responsiblities, and I love that, I love having a planner FULL of things we need to do!

I guess what I am trying to say is.. The hardest part of parenting so far, for me anyway, is wondering if I am doing it right, wondering if I am going to mess up.

But I dont dwell on this, I take things I learned from my childhood, and mix them with Keith's, to make a perfectly imperfect way for Austin.. And he will probally do the same with his wife.

Its called evolving.. I just hope we do okay.. because I love this little boy so much!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Random Catch-up


          I am almost done with school. My  officail graduation date is March 15th, however I will not be walking down the aisle until June something- or- other..*
Right now I am in my lastest of all semesters, which consists of one online fluff course, and one externship, where I get my clincal experiences. I am working in this smaller office, with over 10 doctors who come in on different days, they are all surgeons and are just wealths of knowledge, I work about 30 hours a week, in four days, and learn so much in this time.
I am so excited to start my career, and already have started my application process to nursing school.

* I am going to be throwing a LARGE much-a-do graduation party for myself and my husband, who graduated last year.


       As you know Austin had a wonderful party, and a wonderful birthday. And his first night in his bed went spledidly, here's to hoping for another great night on the toddler-bed-front..

As for potty training, he is showing all the signs of readiness
    * tells you when he has to go
    * takes his diaper off
    * speaks in sentences
you know the usual things, and he has gone on the potty a total of 4 times. ( yes I counted)
I am just have a lack of knowledge of how to get the ball rolling, and I feel horrible for working so much, not being here to constantly help him with it.
I am going to get the Elmo's potty training movie, because the gals in my class say its like magic with toddlers.
So. *fingers crossed* maybe I can get the ball rolling.


      If you remember we brought a dog home with us when we came back from tennesse, she is doing great with Austin.
   With a few mistakes, in the form of getting into the trashcan when we are gone for too long. I THINK she thinks we are leaving her, or something.
But she is such a good dog, and so good with Austin, she sleeps in his room, and is right with him whenver he cries. And he loves her ever more.. ( is that even possible)

I am on an artistic fix, in the form of pictures and poetry..

Not too much is going on, and thats fine with us! January was a hectic month, and although I loved it, the lounging and not running around like a headless chicken is sooo nice!!!!

Happy Feburary, make sure you tell the ones you love that you love them.
Febuary is reconnection month, a time to make peace, and make-up, forgive and forget about the past and build some bridges..
Just a thought, and a hard one at that for little miss me..

All is well that ends well.
Here is my newest, and favorite love poem.

I carry your heart by: E.E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Austin'a 2nd BDAY BASH

Let me start with this: Austin LOVES Buzz lightyear and all toystory characters, so EVERYTHING is themed so..
This is our gift to bubba!!
with a realllly big gift tag

Everyone who came to the party got a cute little spaceship favor box
(well kids I should say)

I decorated the house to the nines

This is Bubbas cake
( let me mention there are no leftovers)

Austin LOVED opening his gifts, and even add some help from his friends Jordyn and Courtney..
(soo soo soo cute together)

Austin loved playing, and running, and oh my gooness he really wore himself out..

Yes, yes yes His FAVORITE part was eating the cake.. which did I mention- was THE CUTEsT THING EVER!!!

Of course we havent had a over night sinse today, so I wil lget back to you on how he does sleeping in his new bed. But now that al lthe hecticness is over ( is that a word)
we have taken baths, and taken some medicine, and are just going to relax..

Tomorrow we are going out to lunch ,and then to the store to buy a lamp for his room with his birthday money.

Mommy has Monday off this week, so I am really excited!!
oh and did I mention Sundays are MY days to sleep in??
 ( Keiths day is Saturday, if you were wondering)

The party was a HUGE success!! and almost* all the people we loved were here to celebrate our baby's second year of life with us.

* some people couldnt make it, but we love them just the same..

OVer all, I am beat, and really looking forward to relaxing tomorrow..


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Our life's a stage, a comedy: either learn to play and take it lightly, or bear its troubles patiently.
Something that means different things depending on the day, and on the person.
To me, its poetry, or music. photos, or memories.

For me. amoungest the fast paced days, early mornings, late nights, homework and sore feet, this is when I think the best, when I love the most, and when I appreciate all I have.

I am only 20. ( 22 really but I round down)
Everything before now was my childhood - a practice, or pretest, if you will, for the real thing. called adulthood.

Adulthood.. It is strange to think that enough time as gone by to allow me to enter this phase of life. My entire life involved me wanting to be older, wishing I were, trying to appear older..

Now that I am..older..

I have to wonder. What was I thinking?

Looking back at all those embarassing moments, those good/bad memories.. Those were the things that made me who I am today.

In ten years, I will be 30. Something I know God gives you 30 years to prepare for, because I am sure not ready for that yet.

anyhoo. I will be 30. This means I will look back to when I was 20, and think

what the hell was I thinking.

I have learned a lot in this life, I have lived, these short years, however they were not spared the drama, the intenisty, the sorrow, the joy.. I have always loved my life. I want my children to love their lives.

By the time I am 30, I want to know, to love,  to embrace and trust who I am, who I have been, and who I will become.
I am ever-changing. we all are.

But the one thing we have to focus on,

 who are we? are we happy?

And this little ole me, who I am today. I am happy with who I am, but that doesnt mean I dont think I still need to change, because just like cellphones, we need to constantly be updating ourselves to fit into the world. ( while at the same time being yourself)

I still know, that I have things that need to be let go, things that I think, will take time, and time alone to do so.

fear, anger,resentment, hatred,jealousy,envy,greed,sin...
I am not ashamed of who I am, what I have done, because.
my stones are set.

I am who I am.
I am not you, you are not me.
You are you.

I may be no poet, but these are my words.

I want to live life to it's fullest.
This means falling on my ass, embarassing myself, making a fool out of myself, making huge mistakes, and learning from them.
loving my husband, being in love, loving my son, and my future children, making memories for them, starting from the beginning, drawing the path..
I hold the pen..
I hold the answers,
in 50 or 60 or 80 years..
The road map of my life, will have lots of turns, lots of bumps, and souths, but it will have lots of mountains that  I conquered, and places I have gone.. LOVE..
The place I go to.. everyday..

Life is like a library owned by the author.
In it are a few books which he wrote himself,
but most of them were written for him.
Harry Emerson Fosdick


This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

( my pc is up and running again, so is my imagination)

I have so much to do lately, and seriously, this is when my mind works best. I have been working fulltime at my externship site, and fall more in love every day I work.. ( I will spare you the details of my work, because I was informed today that only nurses and healthcare workers will like or appreciate my blood and guts shop talk) either way, it is so fun, it is so awesome, and I am learning so much!!

I have had an anniversary, and a 22nd Birthday thus far. And Austins 2nd as well, we went to Friendlys for lunch, he was so good, I never had to speak to him, he sat in his own side of the booth and ate his whole lunch and of course his birthday sundae..
Then we went to Jokers to play. and we did, for about two hours, jeez that boy can run..and run..and run..
We had the place to ourselves, and he took charge..

His potty training isnt going poorly, however it isnt something I have ever done before so its not going as fast as I thought it would. But he pees, and tells me about "poopin" but by the time he tells me... its already in his diaper.. ( progess)

His speech as sky-rocketed, he speaks in sentences, and most of the time they are coherent, AND understandable. However, gibberish and babbleing is still VERY common. I love his voice, I love his little accent, and by golly, I love that boy so very much!!

His sleeping habits have been very wishy-washy. He still sleeps in a crib, however we have set him up a 'BED' on the floor of his room, to get his use to the idea of a 'big boy bed'.. He does very well. However, his recent fear of the dark has hindered our growth a bit. But it is a work in progress.

Austin has not ( knock on wood) gotten any ear infections yet, and I know that as I type one is probally growing because I said something. But this is new for him, because he has had 9 in the past two years.
I think the doctor will be very proud.

Saturday is the PARTY day.. I havent done any planning shopping, so I get to do it all the night before, which is out of character for me, the planning guru but it really is OKAY..

Thursday, January 20, 2011

C- stands for CELEBRATION!!!!!

"Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
- Mary Oliver

This year has just begun, and I for one, am really excited about it!
Celbration is what the C in Becky stands for.. ( among other things)

January, has been a celebration on Life. Lives lost, and lives lived. Lives, such as Austin growing older.

Next week my little baby will be two years old. And I know that he is already a toddler. But jeez man he is TWO!!! And it breaks my heart, but more than that it makes my heart swell! With pride, with Joy, with anticipation of all the birthdays to come, of growing older, of sucking the life right out of life!

I cant wait to see what man he is going to grow up to be, what sort of person he will be. But that doesnt mean I want it to be here, oh no! I want to hang on to his childhood, and I, ME, have all the power to make it great! I am the one person, the matriarch of this family. I feel so powerful, in a loving way.

This is the best job in the world. And I am not looking forward to retiring from it.. AT ALL!!!

If anything. Turning two, and twenty-two ( in my case)
just makes me love life even more!

It goes by so fast, and its not like a movie that you love, when its over you cant just go back and watch it again, NO! once its over, its done.. thats it!
So you know what that means? It means we gotta alotta work to do! Alotta love to give, Alotta memories to make...

I LOVE my little boy with my whole heart and soul.. More than I ever thought was possible, and everyday my heart must grow, because I love him more so each passing day!

Heres to Life, lets make it great!!! we only get one!!!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

3 years can fly by

Keith and I have been together 5 years in May, and to me, it just seems immpossible.
We were younger, and still seem so young. Age is something I never really grasped anyway.

First, we started dating, thanks to my mother, who worked with Keith.
We spent every day, practically, together, and since then, have gone through things that even a couple of 40 years maybe has not. ( who am I kidding, everyone goes through things)

On either hand, we always figured fate was not on our sides, so we knew, that because of this, it might be harder. But I, now, after three years of marriage dissagree.
I do not think, that the fact that ones parents got divorced has any say in their childs marriage.
Does it make them more nervous? Yes.
But mistakes, are only placed on the accused. and unfortunatly, I know this first hand.


I can say, that with life lessons, (caused by my own hand, yes) really have taught me, and I have grown.

Keith and I, may have been young. may have been stupid.
But look where it got us.

To me, I have the life I always wanted. And are stronger than I ever have been.


THREE years ago today.
Keith and I were getting married.
It amazes me, in the way looking at my almost two year old amazes me.
Time goes by so fast, and litterally three years go by in a blink.
I cannot wait to live my life next to the man that married me three years ago.

and in seven years ( when its been 10) I want to be saying the same thing.

The choice to get married, stay married, and all that was in between
were the best choices we could have ever made, and I am glad that this one life I get to live is with the one man who I would ever only pick to take the ride with me.

I love this man so much, I respect him, and I respect the road that led us to this very honest, very very much better place.

me and my girls!!

my mother and I

My step father walking me down the aisle

"you may kiss the bride"

Marraige is like a circle

Me and my girls

The wedding Party

Keiths Family

I really wanted to take the time to share these photos, because I didnt have a blog back then, and really, who doesnt love wedding pictures..

Monday, January 10, 2011

To soon to tell

well.. I started my externship today, and before you get all ansty asking me whether or not I have found my calling, or whether or not I like it.. and all that jazz.. ( I mean yes, ask, but hold up)

It was my first day, and I really enjoyed it. I am looking forward to the next 10 weeks of it, and cant wait to share EVERYTHING with you..

I was a little nervous at first, but not in a sense of not knowing what I was doing, more like.. " OH-my-gosh-this-is-all-real-now" sense.

And it is..

Life is fantastic, or I should say 2011 has done me good thus far. ( yes only 11 days in) But I could not be more happier.

Ah.. I dont have much to blog about at this moment..
( considering one the TV is blasting because Keith wants to hear it over my toddler SCREAMMMING in the background, while the dog is nudging my arm to throw her a damn ball..geeez I want some french fries)
but really only because all my pictures moments are in the weeks/days to come..
Anniversary, Birthday,birthday,Birthday, party.....

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Dedicated in Loving Memory

This post is dedicated to my great grandmother- Laurette A. Nicholas, she passed away on the 31st of December 2010. She would have been 91 in a few short weeks..

Not knowing her on a  personal level. I cannot go into deep details about her long life.

But. I know one thing.

Such a women to have the faith that I have always heard from, to have a son, who loved her deeply, I know in my heart where this women, who is my blood, is today.

And because of her faith, and the faith  I also have, I know that the relationship divided through many generations in our lives, will one day be forgotten,and I will have eternity to spend time with the women who made my grandfather. We will talk, and get to know each other. This is something I am very excited about.

Having a great and profound respsect for life, and death, and religion and spirituality, I know how important life is, how love is the essense of our existence, and death is the end of our human and worldly lives.

Death is hard, for those left behind, it leaves holes the size of valleys in our hearts,it leaves sorrow and leaves only more questions about the "afterlife", but for those who beleive in the Father in heaven, we all have the calming satisfaction of knowing that those gone and passed are at peace with him, and are waiting to one day see us again. They are celebrating with others who have also passed. This is my calming satisfaction.

Coming from a young mother, myself. If one day my only son grows up to be even half the man that my grandfather is, I will be the proudest mother in the world. This means to me, that my great grandmother's heart must have been so swollen with love and pride for the child she reared.

I am the luckiest girl in this world to have finally met my grandfather and grandmother, after many long years, we met and made connections that will last until our own deaths. I am even more lucky to say that I am related to such a wonderful man and women.
I truly am blessed, and I hope, for my son and future children and grandchildren, that the good in me, is from him, and will be passed along in the generations to come.

May you rest in Peace great grandmother Laurette.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

New Years Resolutions..

This year is not so much about trying to change ONE certain thing about myself, or trying to stick to one certain thing I want to do better..

For me, its more about, closing the chapter of 2010, one of the hardest years, learning from it, and getting past it. A lot happened last year right from the first day back a year ago.
So having this NEW year, really means something to me.
It means that all the crap that I, Keith or both of us went through is OVER.. and in the past.

That being said, with this new year, it really is a new start for us. We really are redefining ourselves as people and as a couple, and a family.

~I am FINALLY starting my carreer, which is huge..
so with that goes, finally getting my gym membership, and not focusing on losing weight, but just staying healthy ( my heart will thank me in 20 years).. I am really excited about that..

~We have been talking about it forever, and we plan on focusing on going to church every week. Not sure if that means changing chruches if we dont fit, but it is something we both agree is important for our family.
( my soul will thank me in 80 years)

I plan on growing as a family. I already feel so close to the two men in my life, we do a lot together, but this year is all about family. Us, and other members.

I think the most important thing in life, is showing, and telling those you care about how you feel.

The holidays are over, which means, two birthdays and an anniversary this month.

They all fall so close together, it gives me a lot to fill my time with all the planning.

So far, this year is so much better than I could have hoped for. Abby is settleing in quite nicely, and besides the fact that he likes to pull on her tail, Austin is doing really well with her.

The me you Health challenge of the day 
List five things on your bucket list..

1. Get masters degree

2. fly in a hot air ballon

3. go to vegas

4. go on a cruise

5. go sky diving..

Happy New Year.. Ps. Austin's birthday is right around the corner, you all better start planning on your gifts.. HAHA just kidding..

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

a Christmas in the South

Austin and Abby

He really enjoyed playing with the DOGS

austin chasing Abby, or is it the other way around?

helping daddy wash the truck

walking with gramma

" ooooo I love these" ( his actual words)

like his new taboggen

me and my mommy ( and my new do)

me and my hubby!!

was a real blast.. and a really nice surprise, and change of pace..
we even were lucky to have a 70 degree new year...
Met new friends, and played games to ring out the new year!!

my uncle Jerry, playing pictinoary man

lesley and me!!


Girls Just wanna have fun!!