Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Our life's a stage, a comedy: either learn to play and take it lightly, or bear its troubles patiently.
Something that means different things depending on the day, and on the person.
To me, its poetry, or music. photos, or memories.

For me. amoungest the fast paced days, early mornings, late nights, homework and sore feet, this is when I think the best, when I love the most, and when I appreciate all I have.

I am only 20. ( 22 really but I round down)
Everything before now was my childhood - a practice, or pretest, if you will, for the real thing. called adulthood.

Adulthood.. It is strange to think that enough time as gone by to allow me to enter this phase of life. My entire life involved me wanting to be older, wishing I were, trying to appear older..

Now that I am..older..

I have to wonder. What was I thinking?

Looking back at all those embarassing moments, those good/bad memories.. Those were the things that made me who I am today.

In ten years, I will be 30. Something I know God gives you 30 years to prepare for, because I am sure not ready for that yet.

anyhoo. I will be 30. This means I will look back to when I was 20, and think

what the hell was I thinking.

I have learned a lot in this life, I have lived, these short years, however they were not spared the drama, the intenisty, the sorrow, the joy.. I have always loved my life. I want my children to love their lives.

By the time I am 30, I want to know, to love,  to embrace and trust who I am, who I have been, and who I will become.
I am ever-changing. we all are.

But the one thing we have to focus on,

 who are we? are we happy?

And this little ole me, who I am today. I am happy with who I am, but that doesnt mean I dont think I still need to change, because just like cellphones, we need to constantly be updating ourselves to fit into the world. ( while at the same time being yourself)

I still know, that I have things that need to be let go, things that I think, will take time, and time alone to do so.

fear, anger,resentment, hatred,jealousy,envy,greed,sin...
I am not ashamed of who I am, what I have done, because.
my stones are set.

I am who I am.
I am not you, you are not me.
You are you.

I may be no poet, but these are my words.

I want to live life to it's fullest.
This means falling on my ass, embarassing myself, making a fool out of myself, making huge mistakes, and learning from them.
loving my husband, being in love, loving my son, and my future children, making memories for them, starting from the beginning, drawing the path..
I hold the pen..
I hold the answers,
in 50 or 60 or 80 years..
The road map of my life, will have lots of turns, lots of bumps, and souths, but it will have lots of mountains that  I conquered, and places I have gone.. LOVE..
The place I go to.. everyday..

Life is like a library owned by the author.
In it are a few books which he wrote himself,
but most of them were written for him.
Harry Emerson Fosdick

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