Missing You

Most days I go on living like " normal" everyday life...

And everyday I am happy to be alive, and happy to have a healthy child and a happy family..

Some days, however, I think about you. 

And I open the box ( just a little) because I am not capable of having the entire box of reality open at once.

I often, do not let the fact that Loreda is not here anymore hit me, because I don't think I can handle it.

I dont do it, because I dont miss her, I do it for my own sanity. 

But, some days, I let that box open.. 

And reality comes pouring out onto my lap. And sometimes I am in the car, and it is a song, or sometimes I drive by her house, and there are no lights on. Sometimes I am just lying in bed, and my thoughts drift to her..

Two nights ago, we took at trip to the "city" to go to Home Depot, for some roofing stuff, Austin and I walked in, and already Holdiday tress, and decor decorated the store.

We walked over to the stockings, this is what opened the box...

I am always drifting to the fact that I  couldn't choose which one I wanted for Austin, and she never got to finish it.( or start it)

So I imagined her making the one I did pick....

and then understand that she never will be able to..

So We looked at ones that were cartoons, and Santa Claus, and it really hit me, that he wont get a handmade stocking like I , and even Keith got from her. 

He will have to have a store bought one, and in the bigger scheme of things,

that is really not that bad of a thing..

But.. it stings alittle...

Other times, like today, I come across her picture..

And the box, again, comes open..

Today I think, it opened more than it does normally..

And.. It hurts.. It does sting, and it makes my eyes fill with tears, but I push those back, because I also don't want to " get over" yet..

I still want it to be with me..

hmmm..

I love you Loreda.. I really miss you.. We all do..